It is a regular Sunday morning at Books-A-Billion. Dante is being chastised by his employer to pee into a small cup, while Roland dutifully tends to the cash register. A strange man comes into the store and asks Roland to speak with his boss, Dr. Freeman. Roland obliges and decides that a nice walk to the back would be good for him. Roland informs Dr. Freeman of the visitor. Dr. Freeman goes to attend to this stranger, leaving Roland in charge of making sure Dante does the right thing. Roland being a hulking half dragon, understands how to get this job done, and with the added help from Roland, Dante succeeds in passing his so called ‘drug test.’
Dr. Freeman greets the stranger with a slight amount of femininity. Dr. Freeman knows that this is Mark Tagger, a man with all the right business propositions. Mark Tagger offers Dr. Freeman $5,000 to keep two crates for one week. Dr. Freeman agrees to the tune of $7,000, and with the stipulation that the contents will be destroyed if not picked up. Both agree on the deal not realizing a small pixie, Mentula Minimums, is lurking by the way side. Mark Tagger hands Dr. Freeman $3,500 and tells Dr. Freeman that he will bring the stuff around back.
Mentula takes no time to zip across the store and reveal nothing of consequence to Dante. Dante being a paranoid American knows something is wrong. Dante goes to the back of the store to clock out. He watches as a loading van brings in two crates from the loading dock. Dr. Freeman is quick to move these into his private living space. While most employees would assume that their boss is into some weird foreign shit they have to get through the mail, Dante knows the truth, that there is stuff in there that he needs to go through. Just then Mentula comes in braiding Dante with a barrage of questions, “Are you on drugs?” “What drugs are you on?” “Are you on drugs?” Dante sighs, “I’m not on drugs.” Mentula has heard enough, using all his strength he brings Dante the coffee jug from the break room. Dante thanks him and takes a large swig of the brew. Mentula yells out, “He’s a drug addict, he is on Ephedrine.” Dante looks down remembering his mother’s wise words never to take drinks from strange men. Dante begins to tweak not realizing that his pixie coworker probably just laced the coffee with cough syrup.
Gene walks in with a calm stride. Gene is going to have a nice calm average day, he has decided he is going to shelve books and nothing bad will happen to him. He strolls calmly into the back to clock in. He sees Mentula flying around the now twitching Dante. Dante begs him to go check for boxes in his boss’s back room. Despite Dr. Freeman’s rule ‘Don’t Touch My Shit,’ Gene decides it would be better for his sanity to try and calm down Dante. Gene pulls back the curtain to Dr. Freeman’s hobble. The only thing which seems off is a table in the center covered in candles. He can smell the spring breeze; he knows they’ve been recently lit. In his mind he imagines the horror of the fire, and how bad of a safety hazard it is. Instead of exploring he decides to warn the others of the fire danger.
The day goes by uneventful. A few customers come in to make purchases, as always 50 shades of Gray, and Rush Limbaugh books are in high demand. (Toronto just isn’t what it used to be.) Dante completes a ritual to give his gun unlimited ammo. Dante tries to take point at the front of the store, but Dr. Freeman convinces him to do some unpaid work in the back, to help protect the loading bay. Dr. Freeman tells all the employees that if anything violent happens he will compensate them for $500 to protect the store. The business day ends and things begin to close up.
Roland finished with his shift decides to head out back to his car. He notices that there is an odd car which has been left running behind the store. He knocks on the tinted glass. The window rolls down to reveal four guys who look a little unfriendly. “What are you doing here?” Roland says gruffly. “Leave us alone were just minding are own business,” The driver barks out. Roland points out that this is private property. The punks yell at him telling him he doesn’t know shit. Roland dislikes their snappy attitude and tries to intimidate them, “I’m a big scary dragon, don’t cha know.” Being Canadian his intimidation isn’t too successful. The men scoff at him, do Roland does the sensible thing, and rips up their car with his gigantic claws. He then proceeds to his car, to get out his shotgun which he loads with bean bags, before trying to enter back into the store from the loading bay.
`Roland isn’t having all the fun, Mentula is playing a little mischief out back. He has placed a potato in the tail pipe of the ruffian’s vehicle without being detected.
Inside the store plans are being made, though perhaps not very good ones. From outside a voice can be heard telling the stores occupants to open the door. Mentula takes the liberty to respond for the group, by triggering off his well-placed booby traps. Unfortunately he has been jipped instead of Mentula’s air bags ejaculating from the loading bay, there is only a load bang to be heard outside. The assailants take this as an attack, and prompt for a counter attack. A large crash can be heard from the front of the store, three men have busted in through the locked door. The trigger ready Dante, is finally asked by Dr. Freeman to prepare for battle. Dante deciding to be snippy, tells Dr. Freeman off, and then promptly opens up the back door.
Combat ensues, and Roland takes center stage. Roland first attempts to pacify the opponents rather then bring them harm, using only his bean bag loaded weapon to subdue them. When things get tough Roland decides to use his super strength and combat abilities, to quickly disarm his opponents. It is also Dante, who uses his gun skills to fight against the attackers. With their combined strengths, they end up knocking their opponents off the loading bay on to the cold Canadian pavement, one by one.
At the front of the store, Dr. Freeman and Gene hold the line of defense. With a stroke of luck Dr. Freeman horribly maims a would be attacker. The rest take cover, behind a row of bookcases. Gene seizes this opportunity to use a wind blast to knock down the book cases like dominoes on to his opponents. The attack is slightly effective, allowing one of the gang members to escape its clutches.
From behind the store, the battle rages on, with an unlikely addition, Mentula has discovered a grenade within the gang member’s vehicle. Using all his might, he picks up the grenade and flies it straight into the mouth of one of the fallen gang members. Mentula commands this poor victim to shoot at his comrades, and subsequently drop his weapon. Just then a gang member falls from the loading bay due to a fire roasted leg; Roland follows him, dealing a crushing blow. Mentula feeling what ever he wants to feel, decides to fly off. Mentula not being the most observant fails to realize he has forgotten to let go of the grenade pin. Luckily both Roland and Dante notice this, and rush inside.
A large explosion can be heard outside, followed by the soft sound of souls leaving corpses. Disheartened the attackers out front surrender, and our quickly bound, gagged, and dragged into Dr.Freeman’s lovely shower room. Sirens can be heard from a distance. Dr. Freeman immediately becomes frantic, but Dante steps up to save the day. Performing a home restoration ritual, Dante and the rest of the gang, are able to patch up the beat up book store, just in time for the cops arrival. Dr. Freeman pulls one over on the cops, pinning the blame on a couple of those dirty minorities. The xenophobic cops decide not to search the store. Dr. Freeman pays each member $500, for their kind help in defending the store (Except for Dante, who is a lil. Bitch).
Mark Tagger calls Dr. Freeman. Dr. Freeman angry at Mark for what has occurred at the store, hashes out a deal for another $12,500 on top of everything, inadvertently tying up the group into even more trouble. The day ends with a mandatory slumber party, and all is well.
I almost forgot. Dr. Freeman performs one more ritual on Dante before the night ends. Dante is unable to defend against and as is altered by it, though he is uncertain how it has changed him. Dr. Freeman goes to sleep happy knowing he has at least done one small deed towards society.
(If errors, please inform.)